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Or, you might have decided to go in the opposite direction andresist others' attempts to control you. You might have [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] decidedthat having control over not being controlled is what is reallyimportant. If you struggle with procrastination, you might wantconsider that resistance has become a major form of control foryou.
We've all heard that you can't love others until you loveyourself, and this is very true. Loving yourself means that yourfocus is on what is truly in your highest good - what fills yourheart with peace and joy and a deep sense of integrity and selfworth. Loving yourself means that you are asking throughout theday, "What is in my highest good in this moment?" It is [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] never inyour highest good to try to control others or use them to fillyour own emptiness. Nor is it in your highest good to harmyourself or others in any way.
Controlling behavior: Behavior intended to control your ownfeelings, control how people [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] feel about you and treat you, orcontrol the outcome of things.
Most people chose a combination of the above ways of trying tocontrol. For example, you might be a caretaker in the hopes ofgetting people to love and approve of you, and then you mightturn to anger when that doesn't happen. You might find yourselfgiving in to what people want to a certain extent, [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] and thenretreating or resisting their attempts to control you. You mightfind yourself being furious at someone's attempts to controlyou, but then giving in anyway to avoid his or her upset withyou. Or perhaps you are a mellow person until you drink, andthen you unleash your rage. Or vice versa - you are nice [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] onlywhen you drink and you are [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] a rageaholic the rest of the time.Or, on the surface you might be a nice and giving person, allthe while pulling energetically for others' love, attention, andapproval.
All of these behaviors are intended to protect you from someform of pain - the pain of rejection, of engulfment, of failure.Most [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] people attempt in numerous ways to have control overgetting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe.
All of us have grown up learning many different ways to control- we had to as part of our survival.
The following article is offered for free use in your ezine,print publication or on your web site, so long as the authorresource box at the end is included, with hyperlinks.Notification of publication would be appreciated.
Try practicing throughout the day asking this question, "What isin my highest good right now?" Answers will come to you, andthen you can take the loving action. This one shift in yourthinking can change your life!
Finally, you might have decided that avoiding your feelings [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] bystaying in your head instead of your heart is the way to feelsafe from pain. The abandonment of your own feelings - the lackof love for yourself - results in inner emptiness. Youremptiness becomes like a vacuum on others' energy, pulling onothers to give [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] you the love you need to fill your inneremptiness.
Title: Controlling Behavior - How Do You Attempt to Control?Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail:mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: ? 2005 by MargaretPaul URL: Word Count: 732 Category:Self Improvement, Personal Growth
Controlling Behavior - How Do You Attempt to Control? ByMargaret Paul, Ph.D.
Perhaps you decided as a child to just withdraw and shut outothers' attempts to control you. You might have also decided totry to control your own feelings through addictions such asfood, alcohol, drugs, work, TV, gambling, spending, and so on.
Perhaps you grew up in a family that used anger and criticism asforms of control and this became the role modeling for what youdo now. Or you might have been a child who picked up on angerearly, had temper tantrums, and you are still using anger asyour primary form of control.
If anger and criticism was used in your family, you might havelearned to respond to it with compliance - being a good girl orboy. You might have learned to put aside your own [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] feelings andneeds and go along with what others wanted in the hopes ofcontrolling their feelings and actions toward you. You might usecare-taking as your primary form of control.
Yet it is these very behaviors that, as adults, are causing mostof our pain. Anger feels terrible in the body, as doescompliance. Being stuck in procrastination or withdrawal alsofeels awful, as does the emptiness of staying in your [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] headinstead of your heart. All these behaviors result in feelingalone inside, because they are all ways to [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] abandon yourself.Controlling behavior is not loving to yourself or to others.
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